Regardless of our situation, all of us encounter difficulties. These may vary in degree, but we all come across obstacles, tough decisions, and even crises.
We all are guilty of bias, and often times it is difficult to properly analyze a situation accurately without outside help. It may be true that this decision is actually an easy decision disguised as a difficult one.
“Ask Tom” will be a resource for those looking for advice on any situation that they are struggling with and needs an objective opinion.
I am by no means an expert on life, and am trying to figure it out just like the rest of you all. I’m just here to offer my opinion.
If you have a question, email asktom@theinspirewire.org and use a tagline such as … “Signed, – I have no clue what is going on”
So let’s start!
Tom,
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years and need some advice on how to get him to move in with me. We are very serious about each other long term, but he is resistant to the idea of moving in together. We talk about the future/moving in together often, but we don’t make real plans. How do I make him more engaged in our relationship, and want to move in? Thanks for your help.
Signed,
Need My Roomie Now
Dear Need My Roomie Now,
I think the key here is that you aren’t trying to make him do anything. That is a dangerous path. First of all, you want to date, and be with someone who wants to be with you, and you don’t want to have to make him become that person.
It is encouraging to hear that you two discuss the future. That means that he cares about you and is serious about the relationship. My most important piece of advice is to continue to maintain an open line of communication. Personally, I am quite reserved when it comes to my true feelings and emotions, and it can be a challenge for anyone to open up. I recommend that you use those opportunities to learn more about your boyfriend’s point of view. Perhaps there is a good reason why he isn’t comfortable moving in just yet. Regardless, these conversations will help you to work through issues to hopefully create a plan for next steps.
Moving in is a big step, and it can be a difficult one for a number of reasons. Additionally, moving in is a serious decision, usually accompanied by a full year lease commitment. Not to mention the fact that it is fairly reasonable to assume that as soon as he moves in with you, the assumption is that he will be living with you for the rest of your life, or until you break up. That alone is a daunting proposition in itself.
It seems that you and your boyfriend are at a great place in your current situation. That is something to be proud of and to celebrate. Make sure to slowly build momentum towards a move in. The worst thing you can do it push too hard on moving in and have it ruin the relationship because he wasn’t ready.
So good luck, go slow, use communication, and appreciate where you are now!
-Tom