The Platinum Rule is a basic principle. Treat others how they would like to be treated. I prefer to use a different definition: “Everyone is you, living a different life. Treat them as such”

Most are familiar with the Golden Rule (treat others how you would like to be treated), but the Platinum Rule is a far better lesson for life. Both concepts attempt to teach lessons of mutual respect and kindness. However, the Platinum Rule acknowledges that we are all different, and therefore prefer different treatment.

It sounds like a simple concept to treat others with mutual respect and kindness. But humans are tribal, and tend to reserve preferential treatment for those in their ‘tribe’. It is important to be mindful of this, and to realize that we are not so different from one another. That is the epitome of Platinum Rule: “Everyone is you, living a different life. Treat them as such”

The Lottery of Birth

There are so many people in this world. Each person is different from the next. The ‘Lottery of Birth’ gifts each of us with a completely different set of genes. Additionally, each one of us is subjected to an entirely different life experience. The combination of our genetic makeup and our environment create our unique differences.

However, we are wrong to assume that who we are is a result of our choices and decisions. After all, none of us asked to be born. We are a result of random chance. This is a reality of our existence. I didn’t choose my hair color, my nationality, ethnicity, character traits, etc.

Once we accept this reality, we realize that at our core, the only things separating us are arbitrary genetic code, and differing life experience. These truths make it easier to see yourself in another, and practice the platinum rule.

For more information regarding the lottery of birth and related ideas, see this post based on the book Creating Freedom by Raoul Martinez.

Mutual Respect

The way you treat someone carries weight, just like any of your actions. Mutual Respect in particular has the power to establish and maintain strong relationships. With mutual respect, we are able to transcend stereotypes and expectations. It opens the possibilities for growth, discovery, freedom and unlimited possibilities.

When you respect someone, you allow them to be who they are, whatever that may be or look like. Regardless of their beliefs or actions, when you don’t take things personally you liberate others. For that respect, others will reward you with their friendship and their trust. People desire to express themselves, and mutual respect enables and encourages that self-expression.

Imagine you are a young, impressionable teen. For whatever reason, you receive respect from others; From family, friends, role models, etc. When you speak, people listen. If you are different from others, you aren’t shunned. Others command respect from you, but you receive their respect in return. Now imagine that you are that same young teen, but you aren’t provided that same respect, but instead are treated negatively. This treatment often dictates the health and success of a teen.

This is an example of group discrimination and prejudice. Unfortunately, prejudices are pervasive in society. Often, people use their age as an excuse to dismiss young people and to establish an arbitrary hierarchy. Additionally, young people are more susceptible to influence (positive or negative) from others. This vulnerability is taken advantage of. In many cases, young people are manipulated and controlled by figures of authority in their lives, and aren’t given the respect they deserve.

Authority

Ever since I was a kid, I have had problems with authority. I rarely disobeyed, but I questioned things. That is not to say that I didn’t show respect. However, those with authority over me needed to earn that authority in my eyes. Whether it was my teacher, coach, elder, or even my parents. I would question all. In particular, I would call out others when I believed they were incorrect or in the wrong. At the time, I did not necessarily know why. I was confident, and at times arrogant. After having time to examine it, I have a different perspective. My problem with authority was and is simple: Authority creates an illusion that a person isn’t in control of their own life.

At a young age, if you are told what you can and can’t do, or what is true and what isn’t, you can be deceived. Deceived even into believing that you are not worthy of respect or love. People want to express themselves, and be free. As young people, we are full of wonder and awe of the universe. We are imaginative, creative, and passionate. But we are also at a high risk for manipulation and control. Figures of authority carry an increased burden to exhibit the platinum rule.

But the truth is, we all carry the burden, because everyone needs respect, kindness, and love.

Love

People romanticize love. Perhaps it is because of all of the romantic comedies, valentine’s days, extravagant wedding ceremonies, etc. I’m not entirely sure. People think that love is something that just happens. That it hits us like a lightning bolt. That it is unconditional. Love is far from unconditional.

Alain de Botton, British philosopher and author defines what he believes love is…

‘To love ultimately is to have the willingness to interpret someone’s on the surface not very appealing behavior in order to find more benevolent reasons why it may be unfolding. In other words, to love someone is to apply charity and generosity of interpretation… the core of what love is, is the willingness to interpret another’s behavior’. – Alain de Botton.

Alain de Botton beautifully illustrates love in understandable and logical terms. Nobody is perfect, including you and your loved ones. Over the course of a relationship you will exhibit good and bad behavior towards the other person, and vice versa. Each one of us is very complex, including our behavior towards one another. Many times, behavior towards another has nothing to do with your opinions or feelings toward them. Often your behavior is more related to your own emotions and feelings at the present moment. The key to love and respect is to taking the time and effort to interpret another’s behavior. A simple yet powerful concept that can be practiced and improved.

Alain de Botton’s speech covers many topics related to love. The common theme he surfaces is that love and relationships are a continuous work in progress. It is not some “volcanic force” deep within us. Love is a practice. See below for the full video.

Practice the Platinum Rule

Everyone needs love. When you think about and analyze what that really means, it becomes clear that they need someone to care, respect, consider, and understand them.

Practicing the platinum rule costs time, the most precious currency we have. It also is one of the most rewarding uses of our time. It strengthens relationships, boosts self-esteem, emotional intelligence, empathy. Promotes awareness of yourself and others.

The next time someone does something or says something to you that you don’t like, take a moment. Think about what they did or said. You may think, I would never do or say something like that. That maybe true, but you didn’t get their genes, and you haven’t been in their shoes.

Practice the Platinum Rule: Everyone is you, living a different life. Treat them as such.

Source for featured image:https://www.dictionary.com/e/empathy-vs-sympathy/